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Top 10 Poodle Rock Metal bands

A scholarly analysis of the hall of shame that was eighties Poodle Rock!

The only thing worse than the hair and outfits was the muzak!

Oh, the horrors!

From backtotheeighties.

Nothin’ but a good time

One of the more distinctive music genres from the 80s was hair metal. Musicians had long hair since the 60s, but those hard rockers in the 80s just took it that little bit too far…

There is some argument about who fits in this genre, and while KISS, Van Halen and Areosmith were the model that half these bands were based, they were certainly around long before this particular scene.

Also, there is no metal in Bon Jovi and while Guns N Roses are another band that are roped in to the lot, I believe their music shows little resemblance to the following bands…

HAIR METAL BANDS

Mötley Crüe
Probably the first true hair band and the model that countless bands looked to in the years to come. They’ve showed amazing endurance and still manage to top the charts in this day and age.

Check out: Shout at the Devil is one of the best rock records ever made.

Ratt
They followed shortly behind the success of The Crue and wore their Van Halen and Judas Priest musical influences on their sleeves.

Check out: Their only big single Round and Round and the underrated Nobody Rides for Free.

Poison
Open Up and Say…Ahh! was the first album I ever bought and I broke my collar bone two days before I was supposed to go to their concert….however, I did meet guitarist C.C. DeVille in a memorable interview once and many regard them as the seminal hair metal outfit and Every Rose has its Thorn as the proto-power ballad.

Check out: Every Rose and their 3rd and darker album Flesh & Blood.

Whitesnake
English hair metal at its best. Dave Coverdale always liked to get more romantic than his American counterparts and he’s still going strong today.

Check out: Still of the Night live DVD

Def Leppard
Their Hysteria album sold more than any other band on this list and they made themselves a household name for at least a while – their drummer lost an arm and their guitarist died and they slowly went downhill.

Check out: Their hard-rocking peak Pyromania.

Skid Row
They just scraped in with a couple of albums before grunge crushed the whole scene. I have a cool photo of me and Sebastian Bach on stage together and we’re also using one of his songs at our wedding…

Check out: Self-titled debut.

L.A. Guns
The off-shoot that started Guns N Roses, this band lays somewhere in between. Underrated and underplayed.

Check out: Over the Edge single and their latest album Tales from the Strip.

Warrant
Another band that scraped in at the tail end, they will always be remembered for their cheesy anthem Cherry Pie, but are well known in the industry as brilliant song smiths.

Check out: Inspired singles Uncle Tom’s Cabin and I Saw Red.

Vixen
Hard-rocking hair metal girls at their best. I interviewed band founder Jan Kuehnemund of the all-girl band a year or two ago and she was all class.

Check out: Their self-titled debut

Scorpions
Germany’s hair metal heroes. These guys have been around forever, and they just keep on going.

Check out: Singles Rock You Like a Hurricane and Wind of Change.

Other notable mentions:

Quiet Riot, Stryper, WASP, White Lion, Winger, Dokken, Tesla, Cinderella, Lita Ford, Twisted Sister, Hanoi Rocks, Extreme, Great White, White Cross, Y&T, Firehouse, Faster Pussycat, Europe, Steelheart, Vain, Danger Danger, Nelson


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March 23, 2009 Posted by | music_HeavyMetal, _COMEDY, _MUSIC | Leave a comment

Jon Stewart’s smackdown of Jim Cramer and CNBC’s failure as a watchdog

Yap, this is a tad late! So what? We can never tire of watching the idiot windbag Jim Cramer getting the kicking he so dearly deserves!!

Full un-edited version directly from Comedy Central – uncensored and even better:

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March 23, 2009 Posted by | Jim Cramer, Jon Stewart, Television, _COMEDY | Leave a comment

Pope blames financial crisis on condom use

Pope Benedict, currently touring Africa with John Farnham for what ‘the voice’ claims will “definitely” be his last farewell tour, has stirred up controversy once more by insisting that condom usage is the primary factor behind the current global financial crisis.

“This is a true crisis of confidence”, his holiness exclaimed in 17 different languages! “If we are to avert a repeat of the great depression of the 1930s, we must stop condom usage in Africa altogether. “The real problem here is that for every condom used, a potential Catholic taxpayer is not born, and this is a great threat to the Catholic tradition of large families.”

Federal shadow minister for Catholicism, Tony Abbott, echoed the Pope’s call, claiming that if there was not an immediate stop to the usage of condoms in Africa, it could result in a dramatic increase in STI’s and unwanted pregnancy across the ccontinent. The only way to curb this disturbing trend, he told the Pope in a boozy late-night confession, was to remove condoms from the picture altogether in the hope people may then abstein from frequenting any place where they may find someone of the opposite sex.

Anarchist historians, however, have pointed out the vital flaw in the Pope’s argument, which is that the whole “Jesus thing” would not have happened had it not been for an unexpected pregnancy.

Upon hearing this, the Pope dressed himself up in a giant inflatable condom and refused to take any further questions from the media for fear of impregnating himself.

Tickets for his ‘foot in mouth’ ‘tour of Africa are still available from selected outlets.

March 21, 2009 Posted by | Nazi, Ratzinger, _CARTOON, _COMEDY, _RELIGION | Leave a comment

At Last! South Park Takes on the Jonas Bros!

From Smokingsection

It took us a while, but we just realized why the Jonas Brothers exist!

Why? So they could be torn to pieces by Matt and Trey from South Park!
In last night’s episode, the debut of season thirteen, Kenny was stoked that he was dating a fifth grade whore, eager to get his first BJ. But when the girl met the Jonas Brothers, they coerced her into wearing a promise ring, and made her vow to abstain from sex. So Kenny never got his BJ.
The episode also tore the Disney franchise to shreds. Mickey Mouse (AKA Mr. Mouse) appeared as a sex-crazed Svengali and backhanded promoter of purity rings.
It was genius!
Check out the clip above or click here to watch the full episode.

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March 20, 2009 Posted by | Jonas Brothers, South Park, Television, _COMEDY | Leave a comment

It’s only Ricky Gervais and Elmo!

From ‘The Hangover – Helperhere.

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March 18, 2009 Posted by | Ricky Gervais, Television, _COMEDY, _VIDEO | Leave a comment

WTF # 948 – George Clooney flavoured tofu?


Clofu
: George Clooney flavoured tofu!

More nonsense from these bleeding heart idiots at PETA.

This has got to be close to the bottom of the barrel!

from The Washington Post

Just when we thought we’d seen it all from PETA — the animal rights organization known for high-profile celebrity ads — President Ingrid Newkirk has come up with this: George Clooney-flavored tofu.

In a letter sent to the actor, Newkirk said that PETA has been offered his gym towel (obtained right here in D.C.!) and wants to use his sweat to create Clooney tofu that will “spare animals from being killed for the table.”

She went on to explain that the science is pretty simple, like “making artificial chicken flavor for instant gravy.”

Newkirk, a big fan of Clooney, told us yesterday that the towel was offered by a PETA supporter with the idea of auctioning it off, but she immediately thought of using his perspiration for bean curd: “I thought, ‘What would make tofu more attractive to people?’ … I can see people having parties to try CloFu.”

Clooney’s not biting. “As a mammal, I’m offended,” he told us yesterday through his rep.

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March 18, 2009 Posted by | George Clooney, _COMEDY | Leave a comment

Irish babe – 11.30 pm yesterday!

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March 18, 2009 Posted by | Ireland, _BABE, _COMEDY | Leave a comment

Irish babe – 10pm yesterday!

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March 18, 2009 Posted by | Ireland, _BABE, _COMEDY | Leave a comment

How To Undress In Two Seconds

Yap, you’ve guessed it! A Japanese TV game show!

This guy Akira’s been fantasising so much for the past decade about having a real girlfriend that he idles away the hours practising how to get all those pesky clothes off insanely fast when that unfortunate chick Yoko eventually arrives in his bedroom!
A few questions spring to mind! For example, how did this guy realise he had this “skill” and where did he practice?
But mainly the one question here has to be WHY?

How To Undress In Two Seconds?These bloopers are hilarious

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March 11, 2009 Posted by | Japan, _COMEDY, _VIDEO | Leave a comment

Arcade Fire and Wayne Coyne pissing competition continues

“I get really tired of their pompousness ……. they really treat people like shit”

We wrote about this thing before: Wayne Coyne rips Arcade Fire a new one!

Things rumble on! Fire’s oddly named Win retorts!

Our proposed solution still stands!

Yap, stick them both in an MMA ring and only allow one of em to walk out alive!

Arcade Fire hit back at Flaming Lipsfrom uk.news.yahoo.com

Arcade Fire rocker Win Butler is baffled by rock rival Wayne Coyne’s recent attack on his band, insisting the pair has only met once – and he’s a huge fan.

Flaming Lips frontman Coyne lashed out at Arcade Fire in a recent Rolling Stone article, accusing the band of being “pompous” and abusing their crew.

He said, “I get really tired of their pompousness. We’ve played some shows with them and they really treat people like s**t.

“Whenever I’ve been around them, I’ve found that they not only treated their crew like s**t, they treated the audience like s**t.

“They treated everybody in their vicinity like s**t. I thought, ‘Who do they think they are?’ I don’t know why people put up with it. I wouldn’t put up with it.”

Butler was left astonished by the outburst, and has taken to the internet to defend his group.

He writes, “Wow, I can’t believe I am actually writing to defend my band’s ‘real’ personality… The only time we have ever shared a stage with the Flaming Lips was… at a festival in Las Vegas (over three years ago).

“I was really nervous to meet (Coyne) and I felt a little weird that we were playing after them. We traded a little hello, but he was a hard guy to get a read on.

“I can’t imagine a reason why we would have been pompous towards The Flaming Lips, a band we have always loved, on that particular night, all those years ago. Unless I was way more jet-lagged then I remember.”

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March 9, 2009 Posted by | Arcade Fire, Flaming Lips, Wayne Coyne, _COMEDY, _MUSIC | Leave a comment

Octomom Nadya Suleman gives birth (Video)

It’s carnage in that emergency Room!

As seen on Jimmy Kimmel Live.
(Via ‘the hangover-helper‘)

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March 9, 2009 Posted by | Jimmy Kimmel, Nadya Suleman, _COMEDY | Leave a comment

Brenda Song successfully sues Escort Agency

“Layla. Hawaiin beauty. Come get lei’d.”

Layla, you’ve got me on my knees.
Layla, I’m begging, darling please.
Layla, darling won’t you ease my worried mind.

– Eric Clapton

Very bizarre tale this!

What a dumb Escort Agency advert!

Lots of publicity for Layla …. erm, sorry Brenda … Song though! And indeed the Escort Agency!

Must’ve been real disappointing for customers who’d expected a stunning young Asian hotty called Layla they’d kind of seen on the Disney Channel to turn up in their hotel room, but instead finding some 40 year old, haggard, dazed, white, Crack Ho called Rubyjane from the local trailer park!!

It’s really those customers who should be doing the suing here!

Perhaps a Class Action Law Suit?!!

Or, rather, a No-Class Law Suit!!

Thai-American hotty and Disney TV star Brenda Song has won her legal battle against a company who used her photograph to advertise an escort service.

The Suite Life of Zack & Cody actress will receive £70,600 from Vibe Media Inc, which published a head shot of the star in an advert in LA Weekly newspaper last year.

The ad read, “Hawaiin (sic) beauty. Come get lei’d.”

Song has said: “As a role model to millions of young people, I feel I have to take a stand against this company in regard to its exploitation of my image.”

On April 18, 2008, a picture of Song was used in an ad for an escort agency in the back of that week’s LA Weekly. Disney lawyers were not pleased with the use of Song’s copyrighted image for advertising adult activities. A rep from Disney told TMZ: “This is an unauthorized use of Brenda Song’s image and her personal attorney has issued a cease and desist to the advertiser.”

Song filed a libel suit against the Vibe Media Inc. seeking at least $100,000 in damages. Song said: “As a role model to millions of young people, I feel I have to take a stand against this company in regard to its exploitation of my image.”

Song’s attorney said the photo used in the ad was taken when Song was 16 years old. Song’s attorney later found that an individual, and not Vibe Media, was responsible for the use of the photo. He told Back Stage:

I’m not sure if they were trying to just find a picture of a pretty girl or an Asian-looking girl or whether they expected that Brenda would be recognized …. Brenda’s demographic is a lot different from what I would suppose the clients of this business are. If you’re the sort of person who would use the services of a business like this, it is quite possible that you have never heard of Brenda Song.

Song’s attorney said that it may be hard to show how much the misuse of the photo hurt her career, but that a lawsuit was needed. “Brenda’s public image is very important to her. Brenda has been careful to not accept roles that would taint her in the way that some other young actors have been.”

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March 6, 2009 Posted by | Brenda Song, Eric Clapton, Thailand, _BABE, _CINEMA, _COMEDY | Leave a comment

Porn Stars Explain the Stimulus Package (SFW)

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As we wrote about recently, more and more Porn Stars are getting into Politics.

Porn starlets are very used to dealing with Packages!

Therefore, logically, Barack Obama’s Administration have hired a top-grossing porn company to make an educational video about the Stimulus Package!

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March 6, 2009 Posted by | Barack Obama, _BABE, _COMEDY | Leave a comment

Barbie’s sister does her thing at Ken’s Bachelor Party

Great piece from sunydays15

Am I going crazy or does Barbie look kinda hot here!

Man, I really gotta lay off that cough medicine!

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March 6, 2009 Posted by | _ART, _COMEDY | Leave a comment

Kim Kardashian at nail salon in LA

Kim Kardashian at an LA nail salon
6 JPG | 1024×768 or higher resolution

We’d recognise that bountiful booty anywhere!

The one great talent of the greatly untalented Kim KardASSian!

We even saw that thing lampooned in a legitimate ‘high brow’ Political Cartoon last week! Check here:“Kim Kardashian’s Ass in Political Cartoon” shocker!

Yes, my ID card does read “Kim ‘the Ass’ Kardashian”!

In this exciting photo-set, KardASSian visits a Nail Salon!

With that ample posterior, should she not be visiting a Tail Salon??!

“I’m so f*cking stoned right now! Where’d those midgets go?”

Man, she sure could’ve dressed up a lot better!

She looks like she’s just ‘coming down’ after three days and nights in a trailer park binging on vodka and pills and making gonzo porn movies with a team of randy midgets!

Has she no respect for the army of paparazzi scum that follows her around everywhere!


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March 6, 2009 Posted by | Kim Kardashian, _BABE, _COMEDY | Leave a comment

Wayne Coyne rips Arcade Fire a new one!

“I get really tired of their pompousness ……. they really treat people like shit”

Flaming Lips frontman Wayne Coyne‘s never been known for keeping his feelings locked up!

Here he let’s fly on over-rated Muzak-Media darlings, Arcade Fire.

Maybe he’s upset that AF use a Flame element in their name!

In retort, Win Butler from the Fire says he met Coyne only once … 3 years ago! He writes about his being offended by this storm in a teacup here: arcadefire.com/yope

We’ve got the ideal solution for both parties to save face!

Yap, stick them both in an MMA ring and only allow one of em to walk out alive!

Our money’s on Wayne!

The victor can record the anguished battle screams and release it later as a concept album with a title like “Fire Can’t Win Against Lips

from rollingstone/smokingsection/

Wow! We love Flaming Lips frontman Wayne Coyne. He’s always been cool to us, and we appreciate the fact that he always speaks his mind. So, it wasn’t a total shock to hear him tear the Arcade Fire a new asshole.

So, last week, our buddy and colleague Andy Greene is on the phone with the Coyne, when they started talking about some of the movers and shakers in the music world. They talked about Brian Eno, and Radiohead, and then got on the subject of Arcade Fire, which set Coyne off. (Just to clarify, Coyne is not comparing Eno to the Arcade Fire — Eno was just a talking point.)

“I’m a fan of them on one level, but on another level I get really tired of their pompousness,” says Coyne. “We’ve played some shows with them and they really treat people like shit. Whenever I’ve been around them, I’ve found that they not only treated their crew like shit, they treated the audience like shit. They treated everybody in their vicinity like shit. I thought, ‘Who do they think they are?’ I don’t know why people put up with it. I wouldn’t put up with it. I don’t care if it’s Arcade Fire or Brian Eno. If either of them walked into a room and treated people like shit I’d be like, ‘Fuck you, get outta here.’

He continues, “People treat Arcade Fire like they’re the greatest thing ever and they get away with it. Those sort of opinions change my view of their music. They have good tunes, but they’re pricks, so fuck ’em. Who does Arcade Fire think they are? I’ve been around groups. I’ve been around the Edge from U2 and he’s the fucking sweetest guy ever. I was around Justin Timberlake when he was young and he was just a normal, nice, kind person. Anyone can be polite and kind and people who have the privilege and money and attention should understand that. If they don’t, then fuck ’em.”

UPDATE: Through their publicist, the Arcade Fire has declined to comment.

UPDATE #2: Arcade Fire frontman Win Butler has responded via his band’s website. (Follow the link to Win’s scrapbook.)

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March 6, 2009 Posted by | Arcade Fire, Flaming Lips, Wayne Coyne, _COMEDY, _MUSIC | Leave a comment

Best Bob Dylan Impressions/ Parodies by Other Musicians/Celebrities


Aside from the Seuss thing, a few good Dylan impressions/ parodies here!

10. Joan Baez in “Mary Hamilton (Bob Dylan version)”

As well as this one, Baez has another hilarious parody in a version of “A Hard Rain’s A-Gonna Fall,” in which she sings all the questions (“Where have you been, my blue-eyed boy?” etc.) in her beautiful voice and all the answers in great nasally Dylan twang! Very strange and funny.

9. Benny Hill sketch

A Dylan parody by the late Benny Hill.

8. Paul Simon in “A Simple Desultory Philippic” by Simon and Garfunkel


[no embedding on this one, sorry]

6. Frank Skinner sketch

During an episode of The Frank Skinner Show, UK comedian Skinner does a parody of a Bob Dylan song bizarrely involving the news story of a man from Scotland beating HIV.

6. Weird Al Yankovic in “Bob” by Weird Al Yankovic



5. Hugh Laurie in A Bit of Fry and Laurie


[no embedding on this one either]

4. Ed Mann in “Flakes” by Frank Zappa



(At 1:19 in the video)

Note: the studio version of this one was done by Adrian Belew, an impression probably better than Mann’s. This one’s great too, though.

3. John C. Reilly in Walk Hard




2. John Lennon in an unreleased solo track






1. Mark Knopfler – his entire career!!



thanks to peterandrobmakelistsofthings

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March 3, 2009 Posted by | Benny Hill., Frank Zappa, Joan Baez, John C. Reilly, John Lennon, Mark Knopfler, Paul Simon, Weird Al Yankovic, _BOB DYLAN, _COMEDY, _MUSIC, _VIDEO | Leave a comment

Peter Griffin’s freakin real!

Somewhere in Rhode Island!

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March 3, 2009 Posted by | Family Guy, _CARTOON, _COMEDY | Leave a comment

Mickey Rourke Auditioning New Chihuahuas

Who the f*ck knew Mickey Rourke and Paris Hilton had something in common!

Yap, if you’ve got a cute lil Chihuahua, Mickey wants to hear from you.

Give that Chihuahua the pampered Hollywood life!

He will have a lifetime of luxury in front of him.

Well, unless Mickey bites his head off some night in a rampage after a few too many … erm … “orange juices” and too much … erm … “smoking”!

uk.news.yahoo.com
Mickey Rourke is planning to get a new dog following the death of his beloved Chihuahua Loki – and he plans to name it in honour of his Oscar nomination.

The Wrestler star was left heartbroken when his 18 year old pet passed away last week (17Feb09).

Rourke frequently credited his precious dogs with saving his life during his years in the Hollywood wilderness, following a series of bust-ups with film makers and run-ins with the law.

And now he is so lonely without little Loki, he is planning to get a new pooch, reports RadarOnline.

A friend of Rourke’s tells the website, “Mickey has other dogs but he misses Loki terribly. He doesn’t want to wait long either – he wants to get his new pooch this week.

“The new dog won’t replace Loki but by naming it Oscar Mickey says he’ll make his comeback year even more special.”

Rourke missed out on the Best Actor Academy Award to Sean Penn.

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February 25, 2009 Posted by | Mickey Rourke, Paris Hilton, _BABE, _CINEMA, _COMEDY | Leave a comment

Mathematics for Nurses??

This is a real book! Yap, we checked!

This makes about as much sense as a book titled “Architecture for Cheetahs“!

What Mathematics do Nurses really need?

Well aside from counting how many Tequila slammers they’ve downed and how many guys they’ve brought back home for some Rumpy Pumpy, after downing all those slammers!

Or maybe the book is for guys like us! Perhaps “Mathematics for Nurses” helps you work out how many naughty nurses you’ve stumbled home with in the wee hours, muttering inanities about your favourite book “Architecture for Cheetahs” and asking repeatedly whether she has a kinky nurse’s uniform back at her place!

Maybe we’ve been hanging out with the wrong – or perhaps right!- type of nurse all these years! Yap, the type that’s a cross between Florence Nightingale and a substance-addicted nymphomaniac gonzo pornstar!

Yap, God bless Nurses!

Don’t let em hold a scalpel anywhere near you though! Especially on a Saturday or Sunday morning!

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February 25, 2009 Posted by | _BABE, _CARTOON, _COMEDY | Leave a comment