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Ashley Cole – What was he doing?

What was he doing?

by Jim White
It must be an odd household, the Coles. There’s Mrs C, her smiley countenance widely revered, a woman anointed by the popular press as a national treasure. Never mind the fact she was once prosecuted for a vicious attack on a lavatory attendant; her radiance, her beauty, her kindness seemingly exude from every pore. She’s a love.

And then there’s her husband, if not the most reviled man in Britain then running Sir Fred Goodwin a pretty close second. A man who, when he’s not whining about the insulting paucity of a £55,000 a week wage offer, is facing allegations that he showered some sexual conquest in vomit. Perhaps Ashley thinks that by associating with Cheryl some of her good PR might rub off on him, that somehow things will average out and they will come to be seen as a perfectly nice couple. Rather than as they are: the saint and the prat.

If so, his latest indiscretion will hardly have helped his cause. Stroppy, drunk and disorderly, shouting his mouth off on the pavement outside a swanky bar in the early hours, is not a condition most football fans wish to see their leading players in at anytime. But right in the midst of a three-pronged assault on the honours board it is nothing less than a dereliction of duty.

The fact is, however much the runes seem to suggest that Manchester United will hoover up all available silverware, Chelsea are very much in it. Sure, they are behind in the Premier League, but in the FA Cup and Champions League they are as well positioned as Alex Ferguson’s side. Perhaps in Europe they are even better off. Indeed, it is perfectly possible to see the club matching, if not bettering their trio of second places last season. Maybe that was Roman Abramovich’s masterplan all along. This is what happens when you sack a manager halfway through the season, he will doubtless be telling his acolytes, you find yourself right in amongst the trophies at the conclusion of hostilities.

Indeed, such has been Chelsea’s new-found fervour now that Guus Hiddink has taken control, such has been the way the players have been talking up their chances, such has been the ease about the place, the way in which tactics and systems suddenly seem to make sense, that Cole’s aberration is all the more reprehensible. OK, drowning your sorrows at the end of a disappointing term is one thing, but getting bladdered midweek just as things are hotting up is reminiscent of what used to go on at George Graham’s Arsenal or Big Ron’s United, places where Tuesday piss-ups were routine and training largely the opportunity to run off a hangover.

That sort of thing was supposed to be consigned to the past, the days before bleep tests and endless ProZone evaluation. Even Harry Redknapp, a man who hardly behaves like a Presbyterian, recently insisted that these days there is no place for any booze whatsoever in the footballer’s lifestyle. And yet here was Cole, a man who surely must know better, three sheets to the wind and larging it. It must make every Chelsea fan, the very people whose enormous financial commitment keeps the player in Flaming Ferraris, or whatever it is he drinks these days, despair.

Maybe Cheryl could have a word. Either that or she could turn out next week against Juventus. You get the feeling she would be much better received.

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March 6, 2009 Posted by | Ashley Cole, Chelsea, Football, _SPORT | Leave a comment

Idiot Cashley Cole drunken rant at Police

The vastly over-rated, supreme moron and petulant asshole that is Cashley Cole came forth with a drunken rant at Police in the wee hours yesterday at one of London’s most exclusive, and expensive, restaurant.
What the f*ck was this arrogant nitwit doing, getting sloshed in the early hours when the team – albeit a rubbish one – that lavishes him with insane wealth are – albeit feebly – trying to compete for three trophies?!

Why was this moron shouting at the cops and, more importantly, why didn’t he spend the night in stir for abusing cops, instead of getting off scott free with a minor fine? If the average man on the street – i.e. not a multi millionaire footy star! – was abusing cops like that, the story would be very different!

Premier League – Cole apologises to police for drunken rant
Eurosport – Fri, 06 Mar 2009

Chelsea and England defender Ashley Cole has apologised to the police for a foul-mouthed tirade that led to him being arrested for drunk and disorderly conduct.

However, Cole admits he did not heed their warnings to calm down and regrets not taking their advice. He also made it clear that he had not consumed a vast amount of alcohol.

Cole declared: “I would like to take this opportunity to apologise to the police officers on duty last night for my language.

“I felt I was being harassed by paparazzi and while complaining to the police about this at the scene they did warn me to calm down, a warning that I regrettably did not heed.

“I fully appreciate that whatever frustrations I may have had with others that it was completely inappropriate to vent those in conversations with the police.

“However, I do want to make clear that I swore in frustration at the paparazzi’s behaviour. I would never disrespect police officers in anyway.

“I take very seriously my responsibilities as a professional footballer, this includes keeping my body in the best condition.

“Although I had consumed some alcohol earlier in the evening on a night out with friends it had not been excessive.

“But I accept that the language I used on this occasion was wrong. I regret my actions and how it reflects on myself and Chelsea Football Club.”

The 28-year-old was arrested in Brompton Road, South Kensington, at about 2.15am on Thursday morning after emerging from the Collection nightclub.

Police sources said the officers were already on patrol in the street and were not called to any disorder.

One source denied reports they were following up a complaint from a photographer over an alleged bust-up with Cole.

Cole was taken to a central London police station and issued with an £80 fixed penalty notice for being drunk and disorderly before being released shortly after 5.30am.

Cole is likely to be fined by Chelsea.

The Collection nightclub is a popular haunt on the west London celebrity scene.

Before his arrest last night, Cole had joined Chelsea’s first-team squad and more than 300 charity workers, celebrities and supporters for the second annual Chelsea FC and Armani charity fundraiser.

Cole, who racked up a £1,000 bill at the restaurant with team-mates Terry and Michael Mancienne, was “rude” to police after getting frustrated by waiting paparazzi, Mr Maraj revealed.

The manager said the trio had “behaved well” before someone apparently took a picture of Cole inside the restaurant.

The three players enjoyed a range of drinks, some of which may have been bought for them by other guests, he added.

“People were coming up to them during dinner, men and women. They seemed happy and quite polite – all the players came for a quiet night.”

Revealing how Princes William and Harry were previously regular guests at the bar, Mr Maraj added: “I believe there was a photographer inside who took a picture of Cole.

“He (Cole) was more frustrated than being drunk, because of paparazzi – it must have been something.

“My staff told me he stopped to speak to police as he left. He was apparently complaining about paparazzi. My staff said he was being rude to the police.”

He added that the Chelsea players regularly visited his venue and always behaved well.

Cole ate a Japanese steak costing £50, he added.


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March 6, 2009 Posted by | Ashley Cole, Chelsea, Football, _SPORT | Leave a comment

Stamford Bridge Blues!

The self-destruction and stupidity at Chelsea for the past while has been really upsetting to us!!
Well by “upsetting”, of course we mean “hilarious”!

A team of over-rated, useless, arrogant, aging mercenaries like Herr Bollock and Diddy Drogba, believing they’re the greatest in the world, now waking up to reality!

And another oligarch, knee-jerk, shooting in the foot, with the sack of bumbling Scolari!

There’s going to be lot of cobwebs accumulating in that trophy cabinet at the Bridge!

Chelsea will win nothing behaving like this

Tue Feb 10

by Jim White

At least there is one area where Chelsea Football Club are ahead of the game.

Currently the average tenure for a manager in English professional football is 15 months. At Stamford Bridge right now, they are running at twice that speed: their latest sacked boss was in charge for less than seven months. It suggests whoever takes over from Luis Felipe Scolari would be wise not to make any plans for a Christmas in London.

There can be no other business that takes such a reckless attitude to its most important executive position than football. How can 15 months be enough time fully to understand a place, to reach accommodation with employees, to set in motion a dynamic and attainable corporate strategy? Yet time and again, managers are sacked, suddenly, gracelessly and without any real cause (Chelsea, at the last time of sacking were involved in the sharp end of three competitions). Scolari had barely enough time to learn the route from his home to the training ground.

Mind you, compared to some he was lucky: Tony Adams was gifted all of 13 league matches by Portsmouth. Just about sufficient to fully introduce himself to his staff.

True, there are those who suggest that, had he been given from now until doomsday, Scolari would never have succeeded as Chelsea manager. Used to working as an international coach, when players arrived fully toned and fit, the suggestion is he was not up to speed with the physical needs of a club side. The talk is of poor training, of a lack of intensity in the work-outs at Cobham, of a disorganised approach to tactics (why oh why did he stubbornly refuse to station anyone on the posts when defending corners?).

Others point to his lack of scouting, of his foolishness in letting Steve Clarke join West Ham, of his sketchy grasp of English. Yet, all of these things are minor foibles when balanced against this inarguable truth: he has won the World Cup. The man may not yet have worked his magic at Chelsea but he did not become a bad manager overnight.

Perhaps what he needed was a bit of time to adjust. He was never going to get that at Chelsea, and the reason for that is Roman Abramovich. This was the owner’s decision all right.

Peter Kenyon may be a comedy villain in most discerning eyes, but he knows enough about English football to appreciate that nobody has won anything chopping and changing their manager twice a season. He wanted Scolari to stay.

Abramovich, however, acts like the fan ringing a phone-in. A draw against Hull, his knee jerks, and off the manager goes. Sure, it’s his train set and sure, his investment has earned him the right to set the points precisely as he wishes. But his capricious impatience is currently routing it towards a giant pile up. The error he made in ridding the club of its greatest manager back in September 2007 will never be resolved by sacking his every successor. When you are in a hole, a point is soon reached when you have to stop digging.

What must frustrate all of those trying to work under the oligarch’s whims at the Bridge is the timing here. What can a new man coming in do? The transfer window shut last week. He will have the same players to work with as Scolari. He will still have Michael Essien in the treatment room. Joe Cole will still be sidelined. Flourent Malouda will still be a disappointment. Petr Cech will still be half the keeper he was a year ago. Carlo Cudicini will still have been let go to Spurs.

And yet, in his first two games in charge, the new man will be expected to manufacture victories against opponents as tricky as Aston Villa and Juventus. Presumably, should he fail, he will be fired.

Still, he knows he will be comforted by a pay-off. It is estimated that the impatience to remove Scolari will cost Abramovich at least £7.5million. This at a club supposed to be learning to live within its means. In other words, sufficient funds to finance the purchase of a decent full-back have been chucked down the drain.

And people say banking is the most feckless business in the world.

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February 11, 2009 Posted by | Chelsea, Football, _CARTOON, _SPORT | Leave a comment

Michael Ballack Über Alles – Über plonker!

Ya Vol! What an Über moron!!

The arrogant, over-rated, useless German, just before yesterday’s mauling by Man Utd comes up with this insanely dumb statement!

Herr Ballack said in the News of the World, “A few weeks ago I was sure United were our strongest opponents but now I think Liverpool are the major threat.”

Well actually Herr Bollox could be right. Liverpool are indeed Chelsea’s Biggest Threat. For second place in the league!!

However, the way things are going for the mercenaries, Aston Villa could well end up their biggest threat! For third place in the league!!

Michael Ballack: Liverpool Are Chelsea’s Biggest Threat, Not Manchester United

by Mike Maguire,


As he prepares to step out at Old Trafford this afternoon, Michael Ballack has declared that Manchester United are no longer the “major threat” to Chelsea’s title ambitions.

The Germany captain instead believes that Liverpool, who drew 0-0 with Stoke City yesterday, are the main obstacle the Blues must overcome in their quest for a fourth English championsip.

Ballack said in the News of the World, “A few weeks ago I was sure United were our strongest opponents but now I think Liverpool are the major threat.”

Such a statement would have been met with derisive laughter last season, or in any of the past Premier League campaigns, as the Reds have failed to mount any serious challenge since the competition’s inception.

But Rafael Benitez’s side are different prospect this term. They sit atop the table after 20 games and have shown they are capable of winning in all manner of ways.

What’s more, the Anfield giants have proved themselves against their direct rivals: Man United fell on Merseyside in September, and a month later Xabi Alonso dealt the Pensioners their first league loss at Stamford Bridge since 2004.

And Ballack reckons the 18-time champs have what it takes to snare their long overdue 19th title.

He said, “They have shown in the past few games that they have the character to deal with being top of the league. They have shown they can handle pressure. Liverpool is a team we respect.

“It’s not like the past few seasons when they were inconsistent. It’s not like it is the middle of October or November — it’s the middle of January and they look like they can sustain a challenge for the title.”

Chelsea lie second in the standings and will move within one point of top spot if they down the third-placed Red Devils today.


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January 12, 2009 Posted by | Chelsea, Football, Michael Ballack, _SPORT | Leave a comment

Chelsea collapse … again!

Manchester United 3-0 Chelsea
(Vidic 45′ + 2, Rooney 63′, Berbatov 87′)
What a shocking result! Well shocking only to the extent that it wasn’t 6-0 or 7-0!

Chelsea got a total mauling in the second half and the pampered over-rated mercenaries just couldn’t handle it!

Totally outclassed, outplayed and outgunned! And with a simian referee and one-eyed linesman in their corner! And by a side badly affected by injuries to key players!

Scolari’s panicked change to 4-4-2 at half-time did not help matters any! The mad Brazilian’s really lost the plot lately! Looks like he could be back in Amazonia again real soon!

There must have been a Premiership record yesterday too with Anelka, to our count, touching the ball once after he came on in the second half! Nice work Nicky!

1-0 N.Vidic 45′

2-0 W.Rooney 63′

3-0 D.Berbatov 87′

Stuttering Chelsea outmuscled by slick United

by Tom Bryant

It was a day in which Chelsea would come to rue early wake up calls. First came the fire alarm at their hotel that led to them being shaken from their slumber at 7am. Then came a well-worked United corner routine that resulted in a ruled-out goal – a warning the visitors failed to heed.

As the opening half, in which Chelsea had for the most part been the equal of their hosts, drew to a close, they conceded a corner. Wayne Rooney nudged the ball onto the pitch, before sauntering off, allowing Ryan Giggs to stroll casually over as if he was supposed to take the corner all along. Then, as Chelsea’s players arranged themselves, presuming the ball to be out of play, Giggs whipped a cross to Ronaldo who headed the ball authoritatively home.

However, either both referee Howard Webb and his assistant failed to understand the trick or Rooney’s failure to explain it to them in advance meant the subsequent goal was ruled out.

It was a lucky escape for Chelsea, whose frailty at set-pieces is quickly becoming problematic, but United’s bad luck was redressed moments later. From the re-take Chelsea stood frozen as Dimitar Berbatov rose to flick on to Nemanja Vidic, who had arrived unmarked at the far post to tuck the ball away.

What had been a tightly contested game, in which Deco pulled the strings for the visitors in the opening quarter while Dimitar Berbatov wasted the home side’s best chance on the 30 minute mark, became a far more open affair in the second half. Nicolas Anelka’s half-time arrival, replacing Deco, left United with more room to manoeuvre and so it was that Ronaldo was able to engineer himself some space on the left flank.

After toying with Chelsea right-back Jose Bosingwa, the Portuguese back-heeled to the overlapping Evra. His cross whistled past Berbatov’s forehead before Wayne Rooney toe-poked the ball past Cech, despite being apparently stranded behind an impotent Ashley Cole.

The game was one the Chelsea manager claimed was must-win before the kick-off but, with Jose Mourinho looking on from the stands, their chances became ever-more limited. It was a former Mourinho favourite who was presented with the best of them. Yet, from the first Didier Drogba sliced the ball into touch for a throw-in, from the second he swiped an air-shot with only Edwin van der Sar to beat.

From there, Chelsea seemed to slump into torpor. Rooney, his performance galvanised by his goal, was an ever more irritating thorn in their side. But it was Ronaldo who saw another goal disallowed after a marginal offside decision went in Chelsea’s favour. But, by then, the game was finished – so much so that Dimitar Berbatov’s 86th minute strike, tapping home from a Ronaldo free-kick, was just the icing on the cake. Again it was a goal made on the flanks, again it was a cross that scuppered Chelsea.

The result lifts Manchester United back above Aston Villa into third but leaves Chelsea four points astray of Liverpool in second.

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January 12, 2009 Posted by | Chelsea, Football, Manchester United, _CARTOON, _SPORT | Leave a comment